The most ridiculous day of my life.

Warning: This is long. To the extent where it's close to a novel. It's filled with, what I think, is absolute hysterical behavior by others that I couldn't help but share, but I do feel as if a warning is needed.

Literally, the strangest day of my life yesterday. Before I explain why, I need to give a history lesson.

2-3 weeks ago, I was down at Corey's parent's house in VA. I was sitting in the guest room doing homework and on the other side of the wall, Corey was doing the same in his room. I heard voices downstairs that I knew I recognized, but just couldn't tell where from. When I heard people coming up the steps, I got interested. Corey's mom came to the door of the guest room with one of Corey's old friends, Matt, that he hadn't seen in years. Corey's parents practically raised Matt, but there was a falling out and things were never really resolved. Well we exchanged hi's, but that was about it. They then stood in the doorway of Corey's room. I pretended to write my paper while eavesdropping. This was the conversation that followed:

Corey: Hey, man, how are you?

Matt:   Good. I'm getting married.

Corey: That's great, congratulations!

Corey's mom: Oh how nice! When is it? Where is it? Who are your guys? Where's the honeymoon? (You know, the laundry list of questions moms ask)

Matt: It's Aprill 11th at church. My best man is my brother and my groomsman is Corey.

Corey: What?

Matt: Yeah, man, you should have assumed that!

Corey: Oh.

Matt: Ok well here's your invitations. (he handed one to Corey and one to Corey's mom) See you later!

(Corey's mom walked him downstairs and then I heard...)

Matt: Come on Diana, let's go.

Ok, so. I was literally hysterical in the next room. Picture it. Me-sitting on the bed-cracking up. I do believe there was a snort that came out of my nose from trying to hold my laughter back. I was a mess. I got up and walked over to Corey's room with tears running down my face from laughing so hard. How many wedding ettiquet (or just plain ettiquet, for that matter) faux pas could possibly happen in one 5 minute time span? Showing up unannounced, leaving your fiance down stairs by herself in a house she's never been to, handing someone their wedding invitations, telling someone they should have assumed they were a groomsman. Not inviting that groomsman's fiance or allowing him to bring a date. I count 5. It get's better.

A few days later Matt calls Corey's parents house. He left a message on the machine. "Hey, this is for Ron. It's Matt. I want you to be a groomsman. You'll have to get your tux at Men's Wearhouse. See you on April 10th for the rehearsal." click. Needless to say I died all over again. Corey and I went to get him fitted last week and the tux will cost us $180. Ridiculous. (Ron=Corey's dad)

End of history lesson.

Yesterday morning I went to Corey's cousin Travis's regional science fair that he made it in to. He placed 4th and had a really great project. I had a lot of fun there. The strange part started after I got back from the science fair and went to Fredericksburg with Corey and his parents. We went to the Men's Wearhouse to get Ron fitted for his tux. First the sales woman said she needed permission from the groom for Ron to wear his own shoes. Oye. Haha. Then she put the jacket on him. "Because this fits so well in the shoulders we're going to have to go with this size. It's big in the belly, but we can't alter it so you'll just have to deal." Corey's mom spoke up. "If I'm paying $180 for something we don't even get to keep, then it better fit him! Give him the size smaller." She did and that's what we went with. They finished fitting him and then went to the register. The sales woman had to call Matt to see if it was ok that Ron wore his own tuxedo shoes instead of the ones from them. She called and got Matt's brother. She asked him to have Matt call back. The brother said hang on. While on the phone with her, the brother called Matt who said that he was in Fredericksburg and he'd just swing by. When given this message, the sales woman said that wasn't necessary, he just needed to call, but Matt insisted. Oye, again. So we waited. When Matt finally showed up, he said yes it was ok, and that was that. A waste of 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

He told us that the bridesmaids went shopping for their dresses that day. I couldn't stop the big 'WHAT?!' that came flying out of my mouth. He looked at me funny and I reminded him that his wedding is in 2 weeks. He looked at me like I was nuts. I asked if the dresses were from David's Bridal and he said yes. Ok, from my own experience there I know that their dresses take 6-8 weeks to come in and then 2 weeks minimum for alterations. He told me that they all ended up with different dresses because they didn't have time to order them and that his fiance' was not happy about it. Well, when you wait until 2 weeks before your wedding to have your bridesmaids get their dresses, that's what you run into.

He then told us that the ceremony was still at church, but the reception would be in Fredericksburg. (The church is Corey's church 2 min up the road and Fredericskburg is an hour beyond that.) I laughed inside myself. He said they would hand out printed off map quest directions when people walk into the ceremony. I had to turn away to hide the smile that resulted from the laughing within myself. Corey's mom then asked about the rehearsal. Matt said, "around 5pm at the church, I guess." You guess? Oye, again! He then shared that the rehearsal dinner would be in Fredericksburg at the Golden Corrall. I had to walk a little away at this point because the laughing within myself had come out of myself. Corey walked after me and gave me the "stop right now" look, but as much as I tried I couldn't and that made him laugh, too. I waved by to this boy who didn't invite me to his wedding and got in the car where I proceeded with the tears-running-down-my-face hysteria all over again. Corey and his dad got in the car and then his mom got in last after hugging Matt goodbye. She closed the door and said, "So I have to drive to church then to Fredericksburg JUST for Golden Corrall and then back home and then to church and then to Fredericksburg for the reception and then back home!?" Oh I was done. Literally done. I thought I was going to pee my pants.

Then we went to the mall. Corey had to pay bills so he and his dad went to do that while his mom and I stayed in Macy's to look at Martha Steward kitchen stuff. I love Martha, by the way. I think she's hideous as sin, but I love her none the less. 15 minutes in and I get a call from Corey. "There's a wedding in the food court." What? I asked him to please explain himself and he just repeated his first statement. After asking if he wasn't sure it was a fashion show for wedding gowns/prom gowns/tuxes he assured me it was a real wedding. Corey's mom and I high tailed it to the food court. We arrived to see a stage, with an aisle, with an arch at the end. The bridal party consisted of 3 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen, a flower girl, the bride and groom. The bride and groom were dresses appropriately. The flower girl was in black. A sluttly black little dress with a stark white flower girl basket. This girl looked about 9. 2 of the bridesmaids were in purple, tie-dye, halter dresses that went to the knee. The other, who I am assuming was the maid of honor, was in a floor length ivory satin gown. 2 of the groomsmen were in black suits and the third who was standing in the middle was in a brown suit. There were people seated in the audience roped off to the public, but there was quite a crowd on the opposite side of the ropes. Some dressed in diggs so nicely as pajamas. While debating whether or not this was real, a woman approached Corey's mom and I and handed us bubbles. BUBBLES! She asked us to blow them at the bride and groom after they were announced man and wife. There was a little tag that said "Congratualtions Emily & Bo!" Wow. This was the real deal for these people. Corey's mom proceeded to blow the bubbles and even walked around so the bubbles were spread evenly for everyone. Hahaha This woman seriously cracks me up. She yelled "we can't hear you!" durring the couples vows and I informed her that if she did that during my wedding that I would personally throw her in the creek that runs near the ceremony site and she agreed that it would be appropriate punishment. Haha.

When the wedding was over, we walked out to the car. We approached the glass doors and saw a girl outside cowering in a corner crying. To picture this properly, just think of a bright red head steryotypical emo girl and you've got it. We were going to ask if she was ok but this little boy who was about 8 beat us to it. She hissed at him. Literally, hissed. Like a snake. Oye, AGAIN! We got in the car and apparantly Corey and his dad saw everything. Some fight with her boyfriend and a group of guys. Whatever. Corey's mom called mall security and we took off.

We went to TGIFriday's for dinner. In the bathroom there was a mass of people. It was unavoidable to make friends with some people. I made two new friends. Their names were Kathy and Alexis. Kathy, Alexis, and I laughed about the woman in the handicap stall fighting with her 3 year old daughter. This was the conversation:

Mom: You will go pee pee!

Girl: Oh no I won't!

Mom: You will go pee pee!

Girl: Oh no I won't!

Time 5. Everything I say is completely literal and not exaggerated in the least. We counted. After leaving my new friends from our cool new hang out, Corey's family and I finished our errands and came home. Now I am sick as a dog. I'm wondering if laughing is the cause of my sore throat, because that's really the only thing I can think of from yesterday that was straining. The rest was just like watching a movie from home.

I've also decided I'm going to write a book about the crazy wedding things I'm experiencing. Each event will have it's own chapter. The last chapter will be about my own wedding that will probably bore my readers to tears after reading the previous chapters.